Female Depression And Codependency

 By E.S. Villamor

 

A co-dependent woman is someone who ignores her own needs and tends to focus more on her partner's feelings, desires and concerns. If you are co-dependent, you are likely to think that you are the catalyst to your partner's ill feelings and that his well-being also depends greatly on you. If you presume that his needs are not met, then you are likely to experience feelings of anger, stress and guilt. This further develops into anxiety which can greatly affect the relationship.

But are there more co-dependent women than men? And why do these women behave like they do? If you think or if someone has pointed out that you are actually co-dependent, would you like to know how to be rid of this psychological issue?

The Bitter Causes

There are many causes of co-dependency in women but the chief reason behind this behavior often roots with a dysfunctional family.This means that a co-dependent woman was probably raised in a dysfunctional family. Researchers have proven that parents of co-dependents fall short in terms of being able to satiate their emotional needs especially when they were growing up. It may be because the parents are not present most of the time because of being too busy with their careers, alcoholism, the loss of a loved one, illness or even war. Co-dependent children's parents are also lost in their personal issues that they are no longer able to give ample time, care and love for their little ones. Compare the kids that come from families with both highly supportive parents and you could immediately see the huge difference.
A co-dependent little girl who was not able to get quality time from her parents will learn to ignore her feelings. If she has needs, she will even go to the point of suppressing it. She rationalizes that no one cares anyway and not one soul will pay attention so what good would it bring if she opens up her feelings? In some instances, such a child even fears telling her parents about what she wants because she could be punished for it. This child will learn to hide her feelings as well as her needs. When she grows up, she is already disconnected from these tender feelings. The tragic thing about this is that this little one will take responsibility for anything that will happen to her parents. Also, she thinks that she is responsible for the problems that her parents are being worried about.

This very behaviour is carried into future relationships and this little girl now grows into a woman who will give the world to a man but will never pay attention to her own needs.

Dealing With Co-dependency

There are general symptoms that many co-dependents show like the inability to trust anyone; being a controlling partner in a relationship; being a perfectionist; intimacy problems; avoidance of feelings; and low self-esteem. If you have observed any of these symptoms in you, the first step is to recognise that you need help.

Co-dependency, whether you accept it or not, is a problem. It is an issue that no person can overcome on his own. Since you will be needing help to get out of the vicious emotional cycle, it is best to seek out therapy. A therapist is a professional that will make you realize the importance of taking care of yourself, too; and that doing so is not a sign of selfishness.

As a woman, the therapy will help you realize that you should not control other people and that the environment that you are in is not as dangerous as you see it. A part of therapy is to take part in activities that will bring out your creativity and passion for something. In the process, you also boost your self-esteem.

Co-dependency is detrimental to your relationship since the partner will realize sooner if not later that they can no longer breathe. With the manipulative woman driving him nuts all the time, it is no surprise that the man will flee from the relationship.

A co-dependent female may also be the better person or the smarter one. She could assert that she is strong enough to deal with the problem that she fails to recognize that she is the one who is in need of help. Rather than prove your strength, it is best to seek the help of a reputable therapist.

Co-dependency is a serious problem that needs to be addressed right away. Of course, you would want to have a healthy relationship with your partner so it is crucial for you to take the necessary step towards recovery.

Elena Shella Villamor is a mom to two amazing kids and a wife to a great husband. She is a publisher/editor in Sta. Rosa City, Laguna, Philippines. She has attended several secondary schools press conference, won several awards in feature writing and editorial. She also served as the Editor-in-Chief of her high school paper. Her head is constantly brimming with great ideas and she has chosen to focus h on producing blogs, books and e-Books about womanhood and all other aspects of being God's fairest creature!

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